Do you know what beliefs you have from childhood that may not be serving you? It’s SO important YOU DO.
Because, unless we consciously work not to, MOST OF US tend to become our parents.
For some of us, that’s GREAT NEWS! Our parents modeled excellent habits, healthy relationships, and gave us great tools for success in all walks of life.
For others, this isn’t the case. For others, here’s the cold, hard reality:
NOT EVERYTHING WE WERE TAUGHT AS CHILDREN MAKES SENSE.
EBAR is one of my favorite concepts in the world.
Experiences lead to beliefs, beliefs lead to actions, actions lead to results.
So often, when we don’t see someone behaving the way we want (action) or getting the results we want, we try to figure out what’s going out with their behavior and action.
IF we really want to change our behavior and get different results (or help SOMEONE ELSE behave differently or get different results) we need to DIG DEEPER. Figuring out what BELIEFS we have (that leads to how we act), and then also figuring out what EXPERIENCES lead to those beliefs is CRITICAL.
Let me be vulnerable and transparent for a moment here. REAL TALK: As a child, I was taught:
1) People shouldn’t disappoint you or let you down.
2) If someone lets you down or disappoints you, they should be punished.
These two beliefs led me to be overly disappointed or confused when I was let down. It made it hard for me to forgive people. It led me into holding grudges. For years, this impacted my PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS.
What I’ve realized in recent years is these are FAULTY BELIEFS. People will and DO let us down sometimes. Often, it’s unintentional. Punishing people for hurting us (or hurting them back) RARELY works. Holding grudges, withholding forgiveness, operating with an “eye for an eye” mentality doesn’t lead to healthy relationships.
My relationships got BETTER once I dug into these OUTDATED beliefs from childhood and actively, consciously CHOSE to believe something DIFFERENT.
Asking ourselves, all the time, these questions is IMPERATIVE to a great life:
1) What ARE my beliefs?
2) Where did they come from?
3) Are these beliefs SERVING me?
4) If not, what do I WANT to believe NOW? What do I want to believe TODAY?
Never forget that your beliefs can come from YOU. Without taking time to consciously interrupt my subconscious thinking, and ASK myself these questions, I would probably believe most of the things I learned in childhood. In general, we TEND to become a lot like our parents unless we ACTIVELY choose to think, believe, value, and feel DIFFERENT THINGS than they did.
This is CRITICAL work. With nearly all my clients, we can identify beliefs from childhood that are NOT helpful in the present, and in adulthood.
What are YOUR beliefs that have served you WELL since you were a child?
What are some of the ones that haven’t or don’t?
ASK YOURSELF. #beliefs #beliefsystem #beliefwindow #values #EBAR #mindset #parents #leadershipcoaching #leadership